So much to think about when you should be focusing on your school work!
My husband was the same way. Is the same way.
Everything is my fault. I treated him like crap. I made him feel like a second class citizen. I am the reason he drank-he is living elsewhere and he is still drinking. I want to ask what his excuse is now.
I think part of it is that they project onto us all their insecurities and failures. That could be another reason he does not want you to go to school and become independent.
It is so hard to let someone go. I am struggling with that and not wanting to give up on someone who I know is a wonderful person except that he is sick and he is refusing to get the treatment to get better.
My husband also said he did not know he wanted to continue to be married. He wanted to be on his own. That was so hurtful. He did not do anything about it. He sat in his chair and drank, being miserable and I kept getting sicker and sicker. We were going to counseling and he said hurtful things and admitted he was not giving even 50% to the marriage.
Everything he did and said told me he rather drink than be with me.
Someone said this on the board at some point and it made sense.
Think about it like you are going to a dance.
This person has told you that they don't want to go and isn't even a good dancer.
What kind of time do you think you are going to have?
My therapist put it this way "Either you separate, take care of yourself and live the life you want or resolve to be the wife of an alcoholic."
You cannot change him or expect him to change for you.
You have to change for you.
It hurt like hell but I moved out because I knew what an unhealthy situation it was for both of us. He began being emotionally abusive and threatened physical abuse.
My life is not "better". I miss his company. the way he made me laugh and feel. I missed that when I was living with him.
My life is more peaceful, not walking on eggshells and worrying what he is doing.
I am doing things I want to do and spending time with friends that make me feel good.
I have reconnected with old friends and have learned to be grateful for so many blessings in my life. I have learned how strong I am.
I know that if we were still together I would be a crazy woman. I feel it is yet another sign that my HP is taking good care of me.
I continue to hope and pray that he will choose sobriety. Then maybe we can work on healing our relationship.
You don't need to make a decision right now. Focus on school the best you can and decide when you are ready.