Once again, I am flying through sobriety by the seat of my pants...I don't recall the last AA meeting I went to, let alone shared...When I don't go to meetings, I start acting like I'm not sober and old behaviors find their way out ( I think I just unlocked the little box they were in
). Today I realized just how close I am to getting to the point of no return...I don't like the way I feel, I don't like my attitude and I really don't like the way I have been ignoring me!! OK, that's enough of 'poor, poor me, besides, thinking that way could bring me closer to where I know I don't want to go. I am fortunate to have this knowledge of how I know so much about my sobriety, the program, etc.; yet, just like most alcoholics, I still feel the need to see how much I can handle, or how far I need to push and push until I realize that I don't have to push, I just have to step to the side and let it pass on by... I don't have to do things alone. What a concept!!! When I first got sober, the first time, I never understood what this higher power was all about. But, this time around, ( the 3rd time for those who keep track
), I finally got it!!! The wonderful thing about this program is I don't have to be perfect, even if I still try to be...And even though I have already 'let go' I have to remember that letting go is a constant, to be repeated whenevr necessary and the sooner, the better. It's not just a 'one time only' event for me...And I am grateful to be able to see this before it was too late....I'm sure you all can understand what I say when I felt the weight of the world, my little world, simply vanish when I relinquished control of my life....Well, that's enough form me, I feel much better now than when I started this post...I am glad that I found you guys while surfing the web one night, or early morning, depending how you look at it. I can usually write something down about how I feel, but this time I needed to share this with someone other than myself and whatever computer I was using....Janner
