Told AH...
that he is not invited to my brother's wedding in July- at my brother's request. He wanted to talk to me today about arrangements for staying for the weekend and it provided an opportunity to tell him what I've been avoiding saying.
I felt AWFUL telling him but knew I had to. He did not believe me that it was my brother's request that he not come and told me that the only reason brother X did not want him there must be because I've poisoned my family against him. I said I was sorry he felt that way and simply said that I'd never lied to him and did not plan to start now and that no, I had not vilified him to my family.
The brother whose wedding this is is the one who works with AH and who told me on Easter that he didn't like who AH had become at work and that it was increasingly awkward to deal with their mutual colleagues bc AH keeps embarrassing himself.
So, it sucked to have to say that to AH (that he would not be joining the girls and I) and I almost wish he would have gotten angry instead of looking like a sad puppy who had just been kicked in the gut... I was prepared for angry AH but not for sad AH.
I know I "shouldn't" feel bad for AH. I'm not sure I feel bad for him as much as I am just sad for us all about the whole situation. AH has one brother who he is not close with and from the time we started dating he and my brothers (there are 4 of them) became very close. They've gone on boys weekends together, they all played on a men's league soccer team together, AH was really like a 5th brother to them and it was nice for me to have my husband be so close with my family-- it was just nice. So, while I've felt for a while like there was a strain among them all, this wedding dis-invitation kind of made it very tangible and maybe the problem is that I'm having trouble accepting that not only has AH's alcoholism ruined the marriage I wanted to have, but it's also ruined the friendship that I know meant a lot to my brothers for many years. Right now the memories I have of the 5 of them being together or any of the things my FOO did with AH and I are bittersweet-- there were many many good times and it's just sad to see what all those relationships have now become...
On a positive note, at least I took the bull by the horns and told him and did so unemotionally and simply and didn't apologize or blame myself for my brother's choice... I don't know whether I would have wanted him to join me had my brother invited him as well so in a lot of ways my brother made this an easy decision for me...