Sandrawg, Imo, I think letting go is different for everyone. You said yourself that letting go & not reacting is what you need to do. So thats a good start just identifing that. But I understand that having a tool & utilising that tool are very different things. Getting your inner self to follow whats coming out of your mouth is so incredibly difficult. If you're anything like me, you'll probably be getting frustrated with yourself for not letting go quickly enough. For me, I needed to exhaust myself physically & mentally each day with positive (sometimes selfish) things. It left me with little to no time or energy to react to his drama. Id get a text filled with lies & other triggers. But by the time I read it, I was too damn exhausted to deal with it. Over time the importance of his drama dropped. The importance I put on reacting dropped. My negative care factor dropped. Eventually (and without consciencely realising) I had finally let go. Go easy on yourself. Letting go will come in time.*
On a side point, have you ever written yourself a letter? To sandrawg from sandrawg? Writing to yourself is an amazing way to bring your focus back on you. Its a very personal experience that reminds you how much you've starved yourself from your own love. I wrote one a few years ago when I was very anxious & angry with what Id been 'subjected' too. I attached a stamp & gave it to my mum to post. She posted it a few weeks later. I was still very caught up with my anger & my pain. I remember opening it on my way to the front door & collapsed into tears before I even had my keys out. It really hit home hard where I had misguidedly been wasting my energy.