Wendy,
Hi there - I was where you are in November/December. I'd been sober for a year and a half, and insomnia drove me to look for solutions to sleep deprivation - namely, booze. I knew I was an alcoholic, I couldn't accept it, and thought I could handle a couple of glasses of wine at bedtime to sleep. On top of the insomnia, I was having alot of resentments to "friends" who forgot my birthday. So I promised myself only a "couple" of nights of drinking - just to "sleep." HAH! Of course I slept -- restlessly, and woke very early around 2 or 3 a.m. And I felt awful - hungover, puking, shaking. Never the less, the insanity of this disease decided that wine at bedtime was the way to go, and soon it was wine right after work, then wine all day Saturday and Sunday. And before I knew it, in 4 weekends time, I was sicker than when I had gotten sober a year and a half ago! Pernell is absolutely 100% correct - and that is how I'm doing it this time. I admitted myself to inpatient treatment for 8 days, and continued with outpatient treatment for 6 weeks after that. Now I'm making it, one day at a time, with a wonderful sponsor, working the steps with her, doing meetings every day. There's no magic to the solution - it just works. Good luck and take care. "One more drunk" for you and me might be our last - I've known too many alcoholics who just wanted "one more drunk", and then I attended their funeral the following week. It's so sad. I don't want to end up like them - I hope you don't want that either.