Lillamy,
I don't think I agree with your assessment at all. People can be concerned but to tell anyone they're
"an idiot for makin' this or that decision, it's usually because they want to save you pain they have had to live through." is being ignorant (not knowing anyone here as a whole... really), abusive, and a bully. Shouldn't we all know by now that we CAN'T SAVE ANYONE BUT OURSELVES!!!?! Isn't that what we know from our addicted loved ones?!?! --- Let's not carry our torches then, to others on this board to try to use our codie tactics on them. ;(
I see others saying "I was there where you were..."...so here's what you need to do (basically that in a nutshell) and "I get so frustrated to see what you're doing... etc." --- WAKE UP PEOPLE... it's NOT ABOUT YOU. Really. You may have had a similar story, but YOU had to make YOUR mistakes and make your decisions to get where you were today.
I think it's poppycock that people would look back on someone berating them and feel 'thankful' for it... really, come on now. I had a particular 'well intended' person who just zoned in on me when I came to this forum and made it her mission to tell me how f*cked up I was (of course all in the name of her infinite wisdom and helping attitude)... not only did her posts anger me, they made me feel like a complete failure and I ended up being depressed. Of course, I choose to react in this manner, but it was the LAST thing I needed from a complete stranger on a forum that's suppose to be helping... you know?
After I had defended myself like wanttobehealthy, the person posted something nasty and said they were going to BLOCK me and said "Good Luck!" Which we all know what they really meant. The thing is ... don't give advice unless you can take a conversation back as well.
This is about wanttobehealthy and HER journey... her path to making the right choices for her. I'm pretty new in the Naranon/Alanon world but I've been a codie for a lonnnnng time and I'm quite sure that they try to teach everyone to 'listen' and to see the positives in the strides we are all trying to make in this crazy and awful disease called addiction.
I'm proud of you wanttobehealthy esp. with this:
I see AH moping or trying to get sympathy from me and I can think "hmmm, that's too bad he's down" and even say "sorry you're stressed" but I don't feel any desire to fix it and I don't feel that old feeling that was ever present (since childhood) of "let me make it better bc to be a good person I must". In fact just writing that right now makes me roll my eyes bc I don;t know how I spent 39 years thinking that was sane.
That is an AWESOME breakthrough!!!! That is just something I am yearning to attain some time soon. Kudos to you and keep posting!!!
