I stopped over after work. She doesn't have the girls until wed night. I was just going to try and talk to her. But she was on her way out. Going to a school board meeting. She looked like the same wonderful woman that she used to be. She was happy, sober, and very well put together.
It's amazing that she can go from a sloppy, slurred, mean drunk, to what I saw tonight in just a few hours. It makes me so sad to see her, knowing that in a few days she will be up all night drinking by herself until she passes out at 6 in the morning. And then will take 24 hrs to get herself back.
I didn't say anything, I just told her I loved her and would visit later.
Yes, I have gone to a few al- anon meeting. I really like them, but haven't spoken up yet. It's hard to tell the story. I am afraid I will talk all night, and monopolize the conversation. That once I start I won't be able to quit. I just am not ready to even know what to say. Which part of it I am most afraid of with her. I don't know where to begin. But I will, I am going to go again this week. Maybe I will say something then, and ask for help.
I haven't been to therapy for a few weeks. It is so expensive, I can't afford $100 a week. And I don't qualify for any assistance.
Otherwise I just try to go to work and detach myself from her. But it is hard when she has my granddaughters. I do well when it is just her. But when they are there, I am a wreck wondering if they are ok.
The ex husband does know. I'm not sure why he doesn't do something. I think it is because he is overwelmed and truthfully a bit selfish. He wants every wed night and every other weekend free. I think he is in denial, and just overlooking some of it. If I speak to him, I know he will pull his head out of the sand. I would also take them those nights so he has time off. I wonder if he is waiting for me to tell him how bad it really is. I know he still loves her and doesn't want to take the girls away from her. IT's just a very hard situation. Sometimes she is so pulled together, it can fool you, until the next time..