Here's to a new week! Rough night last night. I had a total meltdown, but I didn't drink!
We're dog sitting two big dogs, and one of them got out and attacked the neighbor's dog. He's fine, thank god, but we're really embarrassed and the neighbors are all understandably livid. One or both neighbors called the landlords, from whom we got a call at 9:30 last night. Bottom line, dogs have to be gone ASAP or else we're getting kicked out, and now the landlords don't trust us and we're "those" a-hole neighbors. Lame.
I was the one who had to talk to the landlord, and to apologize to the neighbors, even though dog sitting wasn't my idea. My fiance was even reluctant to call his friends to tell them to make other arrangements for the dogs. Somehow when talking about this situation and telling him about how I was feeling frustrated, we start talking about money and the bottom line of our convo was: you (me) have got to work more.
I totally lost it. I've been saying for a while that I need to get out of escorting, and the fact that I had to clean up his mess yesterday, plus "you need to work more" just made me crazy. I felt like I was being pimped out. I was completely hysterical - I told him I wish I was getting married to a man who would do anything to keep me from having to do that if I didn't want to anymore.
Anyway, I think he finally got how important it is to me to leave this part of my life behind. I told him I just needed to be taken care of for a bit, and that I needed him to be the strong one for once. I think he really got it. If he didn't, I'm leaving him. I cried for hours, and I did notice a genuine change in the way he was talking to me and treating me. This morning he was different too. I hope he gets how important this is, and I hope he doesn't forget it.
I didn't drink, even though I felt like I was losing my mind. I'm proud of that and I'm also proud I was finally able to express what I had to. I hope I was heard.