Hi Wendy, I can feel where you are comming from. I am recovering from two days of drinking. I have put some time together and once I feel better and strong I drink. The problem with my last drunk lately is that my drinking abilities have changed. Over the last few months I have started having black outs. I am 53 and I can tell you that it has never gotten any better. Every time I think I have reached the bottom I find a trap door.
Instead of closing the door I jump in for the free fall. Speaking of falling that is also something new. One thing that helps me rember some of the drunks are the cuts and bruises on my body from falling. They are like a history book of my recent drunks. They are in different stages of the healing process. Thursday night was really bad. I came out of my black out at the wrong train station. On my way to find a cab I feel down the escalater and my pant leg got stuck. I had to rip the bottom of my pant leg. I don't have all the answers for your question, but I can tell you if you continue to drink you Will end up like I explained. I have been lucky, that I have stayed alive for many last drunks. There are many that don't. I only know this. I hope I am in my last recovery and I hope you choose not to put yourself through hell. It is hard and it is going to be a life time job but it is a illness and just like if we had cancer, heart problems etc. we need to take our medication. I don't understand why we make such a big deal of it but, we do. I am allergic to peniclin and I don't go to the doctor and ask him to give me a shot of it. I used to think the same thing, people are funny about alcohol. If I was allergic to green beans and told someone I couldn't eat them nobody says a thing, but tell someone you can't drink and the questions start. When I have ordered an odouls you can see the heads turn and I asked Whats wrong? Just hang in there keep posting and sharing. I had gone onto chat room but, you were logging out. We are here to help you and we need you to help us Don W