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Old 04-21-2011, 12:17 PM
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ButIKnowBetter
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Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 10
Unhappy the cycle

I have started to realize the unhealthy emotional cycle I am on. My ABF has seem to completely downward spiral in the past 3 months. Before this we would casually drink, sometimes once a month, sometimes 3. We had been together for 3 yrs. I first noticed he would binge drink vodka to "escape" about a year into the relationship. If we had a blow up fight or he got laid off, he would drink a pint of vodka and pass out. that's it. Months and months would go by without this reoccurance. (sometimes 6-8 at a time) I knew this was an unhealthy way to deal with unsettling events, but so much time went in between I think I always thought he was "cured" lol. I have tried to figure out what has happened in the past 3 months to make him go from that- to having his binges every week or two weeks. IS so very hard for everyone involved. His mother has written him off and only communicates with his ex wife to see his daughter who is 4. His ex wife has actually reached out to me, if only to get reassurance he isnt drinking while around their daughter. He has no friends and his siblings pretty much avoid him. I realize I am stuck and need more than "knowing better" to get out.

The cycle probably is something you have all heard but goes like this: he binges, (usually drinks to where he will be caught, usually by me since his parents have written him off), I tell him I cant deal anymore, have no contact, each time for longer periods of time, he starts acting like the person i once knew and still love. We will have whole weekends where he is his old self. sometimes a week or two. Enough to have my hopes up and my guard down, just to repeat the process over, starting with... Him on a binge. I have been tied to him always going back, tried to be "just a friend", thought how if it were me, I would want someone to be there. But I just cant do it anymore.

Last night I suspected a binge, although there were new symptoms. I am cued to slurring of speech, wobbling (his most obvious and frequent), and constant desires to smoke cigarettes. None of these happened instead he started talking literal nonsense. Talked about driving by his brothers house to make sure he really married her (what???), then 5 minutes later said he saw his brother walking out of a bar and that's what was wrong. Then 5 minutes later denied saying ANY of it and instead it was me (always someone right) picking and digging for something. THen he left, came back and apologized for talking about rednecks... more question marks. I mean...really?? I actually thought to myself he has had a stroke- I should take him to the ER. He finally left for good and since this cycle repeats itself I know I have a few days before I will hear from him. Can someone's drunk symptoms change? Advice, tough love, insight all welcome. I am tired of hearing I'm crazy, then having the person I love back just long enough to make it hurt more when it all happens again.
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