Hi Kitty
Our codependency goes way beyond our relationship with the A's.
Our need for approval, our need to control, and our over-extending ourselves for family and friends are all symptoms of this disease.
We have to examine all our relationships and our part in each of them. As we recover, we begin to see, as you are, that in many of our relationships we do all the work. And often, we expect from others, something they do not have to give...and that hurts and makes us angry.
We learn to value our healthy relationships, where it is a two-way give and take situation. And we learn to let go of relationships that are not healthy for us. We set up boundaries and we don't try to make the other peron become something they are not.
When we try to control another person, we give all the power and control to them. If they behave the way we want them to, we are happy. If they don't, we are sad or angry. So, how WE are is governed by THEIR actions.
And when you are healing from recent wounds, as you are, you are undoubtedly more vulnerable to feeling the pain.
Be with the people who make you happy and who are supportive of you. And let the others go their own way.
You deserve to be happy, Kitty, and you can be.