Hi lockedout.
Breakups suck, please take care of yourself. Remember the HALT rule:
Hungry
Angry
Lonely
Tired
Scan yourself for these often and take care of whatever need is not being met.
I kindly suggest getting a copy of "Codependent no more" by Melody Beatty. Excellent book. And "The Language of Letting go".
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
I hope you respect her request for No contact. For your sake. Sometimes we are too embedded in the drama and madness. Read this forum, get in real life help (therapist, alanon), post here... knowledge is power IMHO...
I broke up with an ex alcoholic who let me down and let me down, hurt me, then hurt me some more. There was no "bottom". 2 years later there isn't. Like Cyranoak says... toxic people will act in toxic, NOT LOVING, ways. Its what they do. Its what they are. It cannot be any other way. No amount of love will change a pathology, a disease, an addiction, or a mixture of them.
2 years later I learned it was my own abandonment issues that made an alcoholic seemed so damn attractive. I was used to empty words and promises and walking on eggshells and my dad deciding everything, throwing some morsels of love here, some morsels of attention there, some morsels of guilt-ridden gifts at a different time. It was not about the particular XABF, it was me all this time. This hurt but it also frees me to take better care of me, knowing my tendencies I am able to change them, or at least to recognize them when I am stuck again in the same old abandonment hurt...
Anyway I feel much better now and it was after I got out of my bubble and started talking to professionals and other people that were parents or ex's of alcoholics, so please start getting your support team, people who get it and can help you feel better. I spent months alone suffering a lot, the only thing I regret is not talking about this sooner. AA also helped me to get "the other side". Recovered AA and Alanoners are a joy to be with and have offered me much wisdom and insight, and above all, HOPE for myself and my own future regardless of what anyone else does, thinks, says...