Boudrette, I wish I could give you some advice, I am just following my inner voice, it is telling me, no more, no more, no more, all the time. It got so loud that I felt I couldn't ignore it anymore. After reading a bunch of posts on this forum, I felt stronger. The more educated I got the stronger I got. It was a good feeling to know that I am not alone. I am going to AlAnon this week if I can find it in my town.
Then I told him how unhappy I am and have been for a long time. I know that marriages are not supposed to be like this, I know that I don't deserve to live like this. I told him, no more and he is right now trying to win me back, it is not the reaction that I thought he might have. He says he will do anything to keep me and is now telling me how miserable he is, how he can't eat, or sleep or think right. I think he is trying to put the guilt back on my shoulders, but it is really strange, I am not feeling his guilt like usual. It always used to be my pattern to try and fix whatever was wrong with him, I always was the smart one that had the solutions for his problems. But no more, I am not the solution for his problems. He is trying very hard to make me say "I love you and want you forever" but I am being firm, standing my ground, reminding him that if I say I love you because he asks me to, then it doesn't mean anything. I may be handling this all wrong, but this may be of some help to somebody. The reaction you expect after you speak up and say no more, may not be what you get. I am definetely struggling with everything right now.
I wish you all the best, lots of strength and wisdom, you will be able to do what is right, you just have to wait for the right moment. Sometimes think of doing it for the kids and what's best for the kids, it might help.
Much Hugs to you,
Laurie