It is amazing how that sticky sweet pity inducing tone can switch on a dime as soon as we make a boundary.
Oh yes... I know this one well. And what would trip me up for years was how quickly he could go from sweet to upset and without missing a beat start spinning and convincing himself and me that I was the cause of why he was upset.
I'd get into these mind numbing, making me feel I was going crazy conversations/fights where I'd say "there was NO problem until I said x that you didn't like" and his response ALWAYS was/is one of the following:
a) it is not what you said, it's how you said it or when you said it
OR
b) things weren't fine/pleasant at all before when you thought they were-- I was just tolerating you. This one always hurt a lot bc it made me feel like nothing was ever real. When I felt love from him was it real or was it smoke and mirrors and if it was real, what kind of cruel person says later that it was just an act...