I'm an ACA. Some positive adjectives that I think people would use to describe me are easy going, friendly, and helpful. When I first started my recovery I thought that some of my ACA traits were actually useful and made me more pleasant to be around.
However, underneath all the "positive" stuff was a really depressed woman. I was easy going because I was scared to make waves. I didn't have a strong opinion on anything because I wasn't really sure who I was.
Growing up in an alcoholic home is difficult and I was conditioned to just blend into the background and not cause any additional problems. As an adult I was a huge people pleaser and would do just about anything to keep everyone happy.
Not only was it affecting me in a negative way, but I remember how shocked I was when one day I read in a meditation book how difficult it is to be around "people pleasers". Difficult?!? It explained how hard it is to know how someone truly feels when they only tell you what they think you want to hear. Interesting ....
I think I'm still easy going, friendly, and helpful. There's a certain part of this that is just in my personality.
However, recovery is teaching me that I count too. That I can have opinions, desires, and goals that are just as important as everyone else's.
It has actually been fun figuring out who I am and what my likes and dislikes are. I'm in my late 40's ... guess it's never to late.
Thanks for letting me share.
db