It is amazing how that sticky sweet pity inducing tone can switch on a dime as soon as we make a boundary.
Mine did this so often, he needed me, he was so lost, he couldnt make it.
I would say, OK, Im glad, then, I guess you are going to your moms, then?
All of a sudden, he was fine, and yelling obscenities.
And he was fine like that for years until enough people said, "no. I dont want to suffer in place of you, I dont want to absorb your hits. You can take your own hits, and then maybe you will be uncomfortable enough to change something."
And he did, but even in sobriety, he will still try to pull out these mechanisms of pity, etc, and he still gets angry if I dont play, but...
The way that I RESPOND is different....
"OK, seeya."
He kind of simmers right down. NO big drama play, because when he throws the ball it just drops at my feet.
He was so confused for a while, then he realized I am becoming one of those people in his life who wont play his games.