Originally Posted by
brokenheartfool 
That is an interesting response.
What I explained above is very painful.
Do you not feel pain if you feel the same things?
I bought into the enigmatic alcoholic too, for a long time, because he was so successful, and knew so many things, I thought he had things to teach me.
Turns out what I needed was already inside me, it was things I know, and I am quite sure he doesn't know.
These things are the opposites of the things I posted above.
Things like:
straight forward honesty, openness, true intimacy, vulnerability, equality, and respect.
Broken, I did not mean to make light of your pain. I lived with a verbally and emotionally abusive alcoholic for 6 years. I drank heavily during the last year of our marriage, and I am struggling with my tendencies on both sides of the spectrum of the disease. It is like an ah-ha moment to see myself on both sides of your post. I want peace, but can't stand to be still. I want things to be simple, yet create chaos. Intimacy is hard, I care too much or not enough. I see that I think I am superior, yet have terrible self-esteem. Thanks again for your post.