Originally Posted by
strengthtobeone 
Whoa. I go to Al Anon but am really beginning to think maybe I am an alcoholic as well. But then I think that is just because I am trying too hard to be more complex and wounded than I really am. Ha! I think that I am always on the search for the thrills of an alcoholic. But I will NEVER be exciting enough to hold anyone's love. Where does this total unloveability come from? I am working Step 2 right now and really am excited to foster a relationship with my higher power and myself. It is hard for me to know when I really need companionship or when I am just trying to fill a void within myself by distracting myself with someone else's stuff.
Thanks for this post. That is really really illuminating. I love the enigmatic alcoholic. What the Heck! Hearing you express these feelings so well makes me realize that I am totally predictable. This is me and how I feel, as well. I always thought the "mystery" was so exciting and special. I am now trying to see things differently. I always thought that I would want to be with a RA from now on, but I am beginning to see that maybe all that "excitement" really isn't good for me.
That is an interesting response.
What I explained above is very painful.
Do you not feel pain if you feel the same things?
I bought into the enigmatic alcoholic too, for a long time, because he was so successful, and knew so many things, I thought he had things to teach me.
Turns out what I needed was already inside me, it was things I know, and I am quite sure he doesn't know.
These things are the opposites of the things I posted above.
Things like:
straight forward honesty, openness, true intimacy, vulnerability, equality, and respect.