Originally Posted by
Buffalo66 
This is NOT who I want to be. Vengeful thinking? Justifying my bad behavior or negative reactions with his past.
I am not sure healing can occur in that environment.
I may need to even consider detaching from the past.
Just thinking out loud...
I dont want to be the version of me, that just resents and spews anger, then says...Oh, well I have the right.
Yup, I know that feeling well. I felt the need to argue with my AH just to vindicate myself. "Right fighting" with him never got me anything good... just a whole lot of anxiety and stress.... and shame over my own behavior.
The thing is Buffalo, they KNOW our buttons, and know exactly how to push them to make us spin out of control. And when we do just that, they can step back and say, "SEE! See how crazy YOU are?!"
So we have a choice. Take the bait and fight the fight. Or simply walk away.
And I can tell you from my own experience, it is SOOOO hard to be healthy in that environment. I tried my darndest, but it was such hard work that there's no way I could sustain it for the rest of my life. Of course, my AH was making ZERO attempts at recovery. Heck he told me flat out that his drinking was just fine (because all his drinking buddies told him so!)... so my situation is a bit different.
Get the focus back on YOU. What do YOU want your life to look like, and feel like? And then work towards that.