I hope it's fair for me to post here. I AM one of those AH's you are referring to. I am sober now - 60 days at least.
I have created a great amount of devastation for my wife and kids. We still have a roof over our heads and two cars, but we were only about two weeks from losing everything.
I have been dealing with the daily struggle of staying sober, going to AA, keeping a full+ time job and a paycheck, severe depression, latent anger issues - run of the mill stuff. At times I feel like a phony - as in, I don't really know who I am and neither does my wife. I was a drinker when we got married so she only knew that side of me. I progressed to a really bad way in the past 5-8 months.
I really don't expect much from her other than trying to have peace at home. Of course, she has many pent up resentments and anger that she has to let out which then just seems to cause a merry go round of trouble and hurt feelings for both of us.
Sometimes it seems like our relationship would be easier if I were still drinking since that's all she knew. Niether of us wants that and I'm commited to sobriety...but our relationship has never been as difficult. My depression, anger, sensitivity vs. her seeming inability to filter mind to mouth has been toxic.
I too am curious if there are success stories in marriage after sobriety.
Thanks,
SPG