Does anybody else ever feel...
that you failed the alcoholic by not keeping them on their pedestal, and that you lost the faith, not them...
that you just couldn't keep up, some kind of shortcoming of yours...
that you, in your desire for peace, calm, and serenity, were the problem because you weren't embracing the constant search for thrills...
that you were the problem because you wanted life to make sense, and the secret of life that all alcoholics know but that you don't is that life's purpose isn't to make sense, but to embrace the senselessness...hence, you're the drag, you just don't get it...dummy...
that your desire for straight honest answers is so boring, and shows how low your IQ score is and how simple minded you are, when they are so interesting and complex and lies help them along in that regard...
that they are a mystery to be admired but never understood...
that straight up intimacy is boring, simplistic, and not a high enough goal, whether on the emotional or physical side...that things have to be twisted or out of the norm in order to be again, admired in their uniqueness...
That if you had half the intelligence they did, that you would smartly become an alcoholic too...because that's where it's at!
Yes...I am getting better. I don't feel all these things today, but I know at one point or another, they were the message.