Kari,
There is a grief process we have to go through when we let go of our old self. By allowing ourself to grieve we can truly let go. We also have to replace what we let go with something else, or we have a void in our life. If we don't focus on filling that void with healthy things, we will fill it with what we filled it with before. Attending Al-Anon is a great way to learn new things to fill it. You have taken the first step: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanagable. Now is the time to move forward to hope, healing, and fulfillment. You are in a hard place. You don't have to do this alone. There is help and hope. Go to that meeting, and give yourself time. We spent a lot of years doing things that hurt us, and it takes time to heal and learn new ways. Hugs, Magic