I've been depressed

Old 08-07-2004, 03:05 PM
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I've been depressed

Hi everyone. I've been depressed since coming to this board and while it really helps to know I'm not alone, I'm depressed. I was trying to reason it out and I realized! I'm depressed because now I'm facing the issue. I'm not in denial about my A anymore. It's depressing because I can't be a codie, I can't control anything, I can't be angry anymore. All my props have been taken away. And while it's freeing, it hurts. I don't know how else to explain it.

I found out there is a Al-Anon meeting down the street from my house on Monday evenings so I'm going to start going this week. I need to learn how to follow the steps and handle this without trying to take care of him. I've read quite a few posts from codies and realized that I am one. I may have contributed to his low self esteem by taking charge of everything because, of course, only I know how to do it right. I feel like such an idiot. :banghead:

Thanks for listening.
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Old 08-07-2004, 03:32 PM
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You can still be angry. This is what you can control. Your anger and your recovery. I used to get very depressed too. I would cry over nothing or anything. I started writing my anger down - I would get a sore hand doing it. Reading it later I would wonder why it made me so angry. Sometimes this helped me. Hang in there.
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Old 08-07-2004, 03:42 PM
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You are not an idiot you are human. I new about my A's problems before we reunited after being apart for 11 years. He moved 3000 miles away and I was forced to try to move on with my life. During which I married someone to try and forget him and had 2 children. His problems began while we were apart. I prayed for years not to love him and I even tried to convince myself that I didn't at times. It is hard watching what he is going through. I litteraly watch him cry and hate hisself for his addictions and what it leads him to do. The most important thing and really the only thing you can do is focus on fixing you because you cannot fix him. The only thing you can do for him is pray and try to encourage him to get help. Today I started to focus more on myself and my A showed more respect for me and we acctually have gotten along better today.
lots of hugs hun and I will pray for you. I hope something I have written has helped. I know that reading everyone else's stories and offering what little advice I can acctually helps me to.
rose
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Old 08-08-2004, 07:10 AM
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Lightbulb Is it true, am I a codie??

Originally Posted by redrose0729
You are not an idiot you are human. I new about my A's problems before we reunited after being apart for 11 years. He moved 3000 miles away and I was forced to try to move on with my life. During which I married someone to try and forget him and had 2 children. His problems began while we were apart. I prayed for years not to love him and I even tried to convince myself that I didn't at times. It is hard watching what he is going through. I litteraly watch him cry and hate hisself for his addictions and what it leads him to do. The most important thing and really the only thing you can do is focus on fixing you because you cannot fix him. The only thing you can do for him is pray and try to encourage him to get help. Today I started to focus more on myself and my A showed more respect for me and we acctually have gotten along better today.
lots of hugs hun and I will pray for you. I hope something I have written has helped. I know that reading everyone else's stories and offering what little advice I can acctually helps me to.
rose
WOW! Reading this post was like a lightbulb going off in my head! HOLY HANNA, thanks, Rose! Although my roommate is just my friend, it hurts to watch him go through what he does, I am the one who makes sure to take care of everything, cleans, yada yada.. WOW... recently, after standing up to him, after sick and tired of the name calling, I just said screw this! Im not doing as much, got hateful emails telling me to move, then he does an about face? Now my migrianes are back, hmmmm connection? dont know, have hada history of them, but im sure none of this helps... so low profile for me, until I can get the money together to move, the alanon meetings help, reading at night helps, just totally ignoring him helps even more this is MY life, and I am in the driver's seat... thanks for this post, what an eye opener for me
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Old 08-09-2004, 07:25 AM
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Kari,
There is a grief process we have to go through when we let go of our old self. By allowing ourself to grieve we can truly let go. We also have to replace what we let go with something else, or we have a void in our life. If we don't focus on filling that void with healthy things, we will fill it with what we filled it with before. Attending Al-Anon is a great way to learn new things to fill it. You have taken the first step: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol, that our lives had become unmanagable. Now is the time to move forward to hope, healing, and fulfillment. You are in a hard place. You don't have to do this alone. There is help and hope. Go to that meeting, and give yourself time. We spent a lot of years doing things that hurt us, and it takes time to heal and learn new ways. Hugs, Magic
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Old 08-09-2004, 07:44 AM
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Me too!

Karivan

i too feel exactly like you - the tools were out there to open my eyes, but i didn't "see" it until recently. don't beat yourself up. this is apparently the time that we were meant to get it and help ourselves change so go to the meetings and come here and post often. i swear i am really going to try at letting go and letting God.

hugs - cwohio
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Old 08-09-2004, 08:22 AM
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I'm learning that letting go is a process, not an event. Sometimes I do better at it than others but what I'm learning also is that it has to be all or nothing. I can't keep holding on to a few threads of control thinking that that is good enough. I keep getting tangled up in those threads unless I give it up totally. I keep telling myself to let go and let God, after all its not like I've done such a great job. I have faith that everything will be okay - not maybe how I would like things to be - but how they are supposed to be.

Try not to beat yourself up over past behavior - even if it was just 5 minutes ago. We're all doing the best we can at any given moment. And when we know better, we will do better.

Its a beautiful Monday where I am in my head. How about you?
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Old 08-09-2004, 06:12 PM
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Hi Everyone. Thanks so much for your supportive posts. I feel much better today, thanks for asking, givingup. I went to a yoga class on Saturday, did yoga at home on Sunday and worked out at the gym today. In between I detailed the car, weeded my flower garden, and did some house work. I really feel like I accomplished something good. Oh, and I also went to church on Sunday. When I left church I felt happy and content.

He's downstairs in his cave sulking because I didn't get home until almost 6:00 but you know what? I don't care. He had today off and didn't even fix any dinner. I guess he expected me to but I made a BLT and ate it in front of my computer. :wink2:

Have a happy day!
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