Very tragic and sad...
Originally Posted by
VoyagerIsol 
They're like moths to a flame. He sees in her a chance to make amends without actually facing the people he had actually hurt---and she sees in him, a replacement for her alcoholic ex-fiance. It's a sick validation of low self esteem and validation that they both have.
Yes "tell me who your partner is and I will tell you who you are" ... often those unhealthy relationships go on until death, they fit each other perfectly in a very sick way.
Originally Posted by
VoyagerIsol For me, his life is saved for the moment. That was my one last parting "enabling" act.
I like last parting enabling acts. I like it when they are really the last ones. It takes a lot to wake up from the illusion and fantasy. The alcohol's promises to the alcoholic... arrogance and denial are needed to fulfill the last promise "I will take your life"... I feel chills just writing this..
Originally Posted by
VoyagerIsol
I don't think alcoholic men like him will ever change as long as they remain arrogant and haughty, unafraid of losing their life, and when they have no emotional concept of love and loyalty or gratitude and are very much selfish little children who want what they want when they want it without regard for the pain of others.
And even then, it was still me enabling. he didn't call 911. He called me then blacked out. and sometimes I wonder if maybe I should have just left him there.
But the total lack of gratitude and the whole praising of the other woman the instant he feels better, this is where I walk away fully.
Next time maybe call 911 and let HP take care of him.
My therapist thinks people like him won't change, and she has 40 years of experience. She knows only a handful of people that DID beat addiction and are still here in this world taking healthier decisions. She stopped treating them and told us in a group therapy focused on codependency: "Its people like you that CAN change - and the ones I prefer to treat because you become success stories"
Thank you for sharing this, Voyager... very powerful message. An EXABF equally arrogant and childlike is 29.. I wonder if that will be his future... in any case I am not God to do anything about it........... our job is to take care of ourselves. I am glad you have started to do it.
I am so sorry this man is so sick but it does not surprise me... that is what they do when active: lie, manipulate, deny, hurt, then hurt some more, act selfish, BE selfish, until a last breath that marks the end.
Thanks for reminding me why I left.
Addiction is horrible.
Are you going to therapy?
