japabp2000: I got blamed for everything and yes, it's all part of denial, guilt, shame, wash, rinse, repeat. One of the last things I said to him was that I won't be your emotional punching bag anymore and to "man up, grow up and sober up."
Let's see-I was cheap, I spent too much money, I had too many friends, I was an attention-seeker, I wasn't sexy enough, I wasn't ambitious enough, I smoked, I didn't drink, I was a quitter (that was the final straw) and when he ran out of things, he started at the beginning of the list and worked his way through it again.
It's really easy to blame someone else for all that you're in denial about and when that person walks away, what are you left with? In my EXABF's case, he's left with himself as he burned all his bridges with family and friends. He says they don't understand him and his issues.
As for benzo W/D before rehab-I've been down that road and the W/D isn't pleasant-one of the rehabs EXABF went into delayed his admission by a couple of weeks to make sure they were all out of his system. Benzo W/D is not pleasant for anyone-the person taking them or those around them.
Stay strong and remember that the only things we have control over are ourselves and our actions.