Originally Posted by
GettingBy 
I guess that's it. I'm looking at this the wrong way. I have been looking at it as quitting (well, that's what he's been TELLING me I'm doing!)... and maybe it is... or maybe a better way to say it (semantics, I guess) is that I'm surrendering. I'm accepting that the marriage just doesn't work. He doesn't want to admit that, but I certainly shouldn't waste anymore time waiting for him to get it or agree with me.
I don't know if this will mean anything to you or not, but for me it was all about that dreaded thing called FAILURE. Perfectionism being one of the things I inherited as an ACOA, I simply couldn't stand the thought of failure. I should be able to make this marriage work. I set out to have a happy marriage, and then I FAILED!
This was one of the big issues my therapist helped me with. I had to learn that I was not a failure because I got a divorce. I tried valiantly to save my marriage. I was like a doctor who tries CPR, defibrillation, and every other available option, yet still loses the patient. It was out of my hands. My marriage was chronic and terminal and couldn't be saved.
L