Hi,
I'm about your age, a bit older, and have two young daughters (3 and 5) with a man who sounds so so similar to your xBF. My summarized story below is being provided to show you what you're missing. When you are sad and missing your bf, remind yourself of the bullets below that you've dodge...
I saw all the red flags you describe seeing but unlike you who exercised incredible strength to break something off that was incredibly damaging and unhealthy for you, I stuck around. I've been married for 8 yrs, my career has taken a nose dive in part bc of the emotional energy that goes into my unhealthy relationship and takes energy away from my job, my health is very poor (I was hospitalized this weekend for observation bc of some irregular heart beat and bloodpressure issues), our D's are in therapy and my 5 yr old has NO self esteem. My H has taken all our savings and spent it on booze and "toys" for himself.
Like you I have a terrible r/s with my own mom and early on in my r/s with my AH (when he was my non committal "bf") I sometimes wondered if I loved him or his mother more. She was like the mom I never had. I got sucked into the family system and thought I was loved. You are leaving in time to avoid what comes next: his mom would inevitably have turned on you when you stopped enabling her son or when you expressed to her that you were concerned about his behavior. I've found myself having lost not just a H but also his family who at one time I naively believed cared about me.
You are very very wise, strong and an inspiration. You are living proof that doing what is right and healthy means having to face pain and sadness head on. Unlike you, when I've been sad/missed my H etc... I've gone running back to the dysfunction rather than push through the pain.
Having brought kids into the equation has just made it that much harder and I wish I could go back to being where you are, seeing all the same warning signals and turned and ran away.
I think your plan to find a new place is a great idea and I can't recall if you said you've blocked him from texting you/emailing etc... but if you haven't, that might help?
Happy belated bday by the way... I think that part of your story really hit a nerve. I've been promised for years on bdays, mothers days, anniversaries, holidays etc... that my AH wants to plan and has things in the works for me and not a single time has any of it happened. I really never thought this was something anyone else had experienced and reading your story makes me wonder just how common this kind of emotionally abusive stuff is? Is it bc of alcoholism or is it that emotionally abusive persons tends to have addictions? Either way it really sucks that he led you to believe he'd do something for your bday and then pulled what he did. I;ve lived that for years and I know how much it hurts. You are so smart to be getting away from it now.