Thanks guys. Carol, I have looked up AA meetings. Im really far out, I live in the middle of the woods now. With the price of gas, I will only be able to afford to go once or twice a week, but I plan on starting to go tommorow. I went to AA for a short time before I moved, and I miss being around other people that understand. I don't feel the step work is for me, but I do read the big book every day as a part of my recovery plan and I know I also benefitted from the time I went to AA listening to everyone's stories.
Writing, I think it irritated me more than it hurt me. The last thing I ever wantd to become was a self righteous former drinker but I think I am well on my way. I knew they'd make fun of me for not drinking, that part didn't bother me. It just ticks me off they deny why my mother is the way she is. Its the truth and I have to deal with it every day (oh but let her flip out and cuss or threaten them and then my phone rings off the hook, like I can do anything about it).
These same people drank with her for years and laughed at how much she loved her vodka.I am now at the point where I am going to attempt to have her instutionalized. I hate doing it, but at this point she is never lucid, maybe even dangerous. She is still drinking as well.