So, AH has to be at the rehab center at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I know he will be in detox for 3-5 days. After that I pray to the good Lord above that the center can get him directly into classes. If not, he's liable to not go back to the center. The guy from the center that AH talked to today said that there have been numerous cancellations for the classes so he (the guy from the center) thinks that they can get AH in right away (after detox). Oh, a little something else...yesterday upon talking to an aunt of his on his fathers side, I learned that mental illness (particularly paranoid schizophrenia) runs in their family. I looked the symptoms up, and low and friggin behold every symptom had me shaking my head yes. So..could he be ps? Or could the symptoms also be due to the alcohol and drugs? So many questions..but right now my focus is going to be on me. Of course I focus on his sobriety as well..I didn't mean for that to sound selfish, but damn it, I have been so unhappy and sad for so long that I feel like I deserve to hang out with my friends while he is in rehab. Oh, another "good one". Last night, during him telling me how sick he was of this and yada yada, he tells me he's sorry (same routine as every night). I told him I accept his apology but it doesn't make it right. Well anyway, I told him that all I asked was for him to never leave me here alone..that if he "needed" a drink to at least wake me up to go with him (he usually gets up before me). Well, I woke up early this morning..he was gone. He said I told him where the keys and money was (I hide them of course), and he thought it was ok. I am an agoraphobic..I have not been able to stay at home alone or drive alone since I was 18 years old. I have put my healing on hold to help him. But I have an appointment with a shrink tomorrow afternoon so hopefully I can start my own path the recovery over this anxiety crap that has hindered me so badly. My brother is on spring break, so bless him, he is going with me to take AH to rehab and my mom is taking me to Dr. AH keeps saying how scared he is that I won't be here when he get's out of rehab..ugh. If I was going to leave, I would have a long long time ago, and I keep telling him that, but there is absolutely no convincing him. If ya made it this far into my "novel" thank you
Hugs
Aimee