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He's going to rehab in the morning

Old 04-07-2011, 06:15 PM
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He's going to rehab in the morning

So, AH has to be at the rehab center at 9:30 tomorrow morning. I know he will be in detox for 3-5 days. After that I pray to the good Lord above that the center can get him directly into classes. If not, he's liable to not go back to the center. The guy from the center that AH talked to today said that there have been numerous cancellations for the classes so he (the guy from the center) thinks that they can get AH in right away (after detox). Oh, a little something else...yesterday upon talking to an aunt of his on his fathers side, I learned that mental illness (particularly paranoid schizophrenia) runs in their family. I looked the symptoms up, and low and friggin behold every symptom had me shaking my head yes. So..could he be ps? Or could the symptoms also be due to the alcohol and drugs? So many questions..but right now my focus is going to be on me. Of course I focus on his sobriety as well..I didn't mean for that to sound selfish, but damn it, I have been so unhappy and sad for so long that I feel like I deserve to hang out with my friends while he is in rehab. Oh, another "good one". Last night, during him telling me how sick he was of this and yada yada, he tells me he's sorry (same routine as every night). I told him I accept his apology but it doesn't make it right. Well anyway, I told him that all I asked was for him to never leave me here alone..that if he "needed" a drink to at least wake me up to go with him (he usually gets up before me). Well, I woke up early this morning..he was gone. He said I told him where the keys and money was (I hide them of course), and he thought it was ok. I am an agoraphobic..I have not been able to stay at home alone or drive alone since I was 18 years old. I have put my healing on hold to help him. But I have an appointment with a shrink tomorrow afternoon so hopefully I can start my own path the recovery over this anxiety crap that has hindered me so badly. My brother is on spring break, so bless him, he is going with me to take AH to rehab and my mom is taking me to Dr. AH keeps saying how scared he is that I won't be here when he get's out of rehab..ugh. If I was going to leave, I would have a long long time ago, and I keep telling him that, but there is absolutely no convincing him. If ya made it this far into my "novel" thank you
Hugs
Aimee
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Old 04-07-2011, 07:42 PM
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(((((Aimee)))))

Alcoholism can and does 'mimic' many other mental illnesses and there is really no way to diagnose, until the person is 'sober and clean' for at least 6 months.

At least any psych Dr worth their salt won't diagnose until the client is totally clean and that could be up to a year.

You won't know, he may have had a 'pre-existing' condition and has self medicated all these years, or the alcoholism had advanced far enough that he is mimicking one of several personality disorders.

More important how are you holding up with all the additional Quacking that is probably going on and the 'hemming and hawing' at the last minute?

No, you DO NOT focus on his sobriety, that is HIS JOB!

You didn't CAUSE this.

You can't CONTROL this.

You can't CURE this.

Well anyway, I told him that all I asked was for him to never leave me here alone..that if he "needed" a drink to at least wake me up to go with him (he usually gets up before me)
Excuse me? You are not his 'warden' or his 'jailer', and you cannot continue to 'enable' this way. Your going with him, and then 'driving him home'? to protect him from a DUI maybe. Uh uh. Stay out of it please. Allow him please, whether he goes to 'rehab' or not, feel the consequences of his own actions.

You focus on YOU. Have you tried AlAnon yet? You can call the local AlAnon number and ask for a someone to give you a 'ride' to the meeting so you won't feel alone. Have you read "Co Dependent No More" by Melodie Beattie, it is very reasonable at Amazon.com?

As to him saying how scared he is you won't be there when he gets out, that is 'quacking' and manipulation.

If he goes, your are correct, spend some time with your friends, but start working on your own recovery from living with a practicing A.

J M H O

We are here for you, and remember we are with you in spirit.

Love and hugs,
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Old 04-07-2011, 09:28 PM
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((((Laurie))))) Thank you so much for your reply. Holding up has been hard. Especially since finding out that he has been taking his benzos that I had "hidden". So, now they will not accept him into detox because they are not a medical detox center..they are a social detox center and they will not accept anyone who has benzos in their system...sigh. I spoke with the nurse and she said he can detox and then come in for the classes (inpatient) when they become available...ARRGH. So, he says he doesn't want another drink, he is sick of it and is so very sorry (quack quack) that he has done this to me. Says he will do what it takes to detox at home and he will go into the classes as soon as he can. My only problem with this, even though there is nothing I can do since the rehab place won't detox him, is that I wonder how dangerous this is? Can he have seizures? Will his heart beat irregularly? I'm far from a nurse and am scared of what could happen. Gahhhh, I just want to scream.
As for AlAnon, I actually participated in an AlAnon telephone meeting tonight. I got some out of it, but nothing like being there in body, so I am going to go to one. I will call about it and see if I can find a ride. If not, my mom will take me, and she will probably attend too because she is affected by this too because she loves my husband like a son. I will look up those books on Amazon. Also, I never thought about the alcohol and drugs causing him to show mental illness symptoms..I'm so "new" to this in a way. Thank you so much for replying.
((((Hugs))))) and Blessings.
Aimee
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Old 04-08-2011, 06:26 AM
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Aimee,
I am right there with you. My fiance (I call him that even now that I took off the ring) will leave tomorrow. He has been detoxing cold turkey since Friday, well maybe he has, I think he has been sneaking a little in, but mostly he has been sober and miserable.

Last night I got sucked into the arguement. I cried myself to sleep and woke up still crying.

Mine too shows symptoms that mimic mental illness, and here at my lowest, I feel like I am losing my own sanity. Good luck, I hope you find some peace in his absence and that the staff there will give him the guidance that he needs.

You are definately not alone.
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Old 04-08-2011, 06:27 AM
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Again, whether or not he goes to classes, whether or not he's got schizophrenia, and whether or not he has another drink...is entirely HIS business. I know it's hard but for your own sake, I would gently suggest that you step *away* from the madness of HIS addiction and focus on your own healing.

I'm glad to see that your post ended with something about YOU, the most important person in your life! If you don't take care of yourself, who will?

Keep posting!
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Old 04-08-2011, 08:26 AM
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Thank you XXXXXXXX! Today starts the detoxing for AH. I don't even know how to deal with it, but I will by the grace of God and with you guys' wonderful support (I thank God I found this place!). It sucks so bad that the rehab center will not take anyone with benzos in their system..that just doesn't make sense to me. Hell nothing makes sense anymore though..lol I'm so sorry that you got sucked into an argument last night (((((Hugs))))))
Thank you nodaybut2day. You are so right and I have to detach myself from his illness. It's hard but I'm learning every day thanks to you guys! Lots of Hugs! Aimee
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Old 04-08-2011, 09:06 AM
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Hang in there.

I personally refused to let my xah do a detox without doctor input in my house. It scared me and I thought it would be awful for the kids. He either had to go to detox, or I left with the kids for a long weekend. I am not a nurse and wanted no part in being responsible for his safe detox. He chose not to detox if I wouldn't take care of him. :shrug: Another time he went to the doctor and got pills to take and did detox at home.

I had been practicing detachment for a little bit by then or I might not have been able to make that decision. I'm so glad I did though.
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Old 04-08-2011, 12:36 PM
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Hi Thumper, thank you for your reply! I didn't want him to do at home detox either, and thankfully he isn't now. He is set for 1:00 tomorrow at the rehab place. I'm glad they will be able to take him now. They said by that time the benzos will be out of his system. Thank God!! I know that it is not guaranteed that he is going to recover, but I suppose this is a start. Hopefully Hopefully Hopefully.
Big Hugs!!
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Old 04-08-2011, 04:52 PM
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My AH tried to bring his benzos to rehab because he didn't realize they were a problem! The nurse informed him otherwise.

Interesting they wouldn't take him. Hazelden (where my AH was) had people detoxing on-site. Many arrive drunk, wanting to get one last drink in.
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Old 04-08-2011, 06:01 PM
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Yes, my AH did the same thing the first time he went. He has been a total of 4 times (I think..I may have lost count..haha) and he was quite disappointed to say the least. That's when I learned that he couldn't stay if he had the benzo's in his system, so we had to go home and wait it out for a couple of days. I don't understand why they will not allow anyone who has them in their system to stay? Makes no sense to me. It is a social detox so maybe that's why. Of course hubby would prefer a medical detox, but the closest one is in Greenville and costs 3 thousand just for the detox. He has had his whiskey today...chose that over cigs of course, so now we don't have any cigs and he's worrying about what he's going to do. Not a thing I can do about it..and that's what I keep telling him. It'll be a good time for us to quit is all I can say..lol
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Old 04-09-2011, 08:09 AM
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XABF had to go to a medical detox/rehab.
He had way too much alcohol the two days prior, plus he had a health condition to begin with (lungs) that the regular rehabs did not feel comfortable dealing with.
The place he ended up going was equipped to deal with any medical issue except things like surgery.
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