justjo, that was very sweet of you to say. It's nice hearing things like that.
I really appreciate that! I just am having a very hard time with all of this. It's like I know how I'm suppose to act (supportive, understanding, staying in the moment) and I act that way 50% of the time. The other 50% I'm acting on my feelings and that has never worked out positive. I just feel lost right now. I really do.
The bottom line is recovery has to be first. If it's not this is just going to lead me to drinking and then we all ultimately lose. I am going to bed early tonight and un-plug from this situation. I can't handle it. There are things that I am just flat out powerless over. Just like I've done with alcohol, I win by stopping the fight. This problem (or opportunity) reminds me of fighting alcohol. The harder I fight, the more it kicks my a$$!!!!
I'm going to hug her, look her in the eye, and say I love you and I'll support you no matter what, and leave it at that. It's the best thing I can do, but guys, my skin is literally burning. This (her going to work for this guy) feels so freaking wrong I feel like I'm gonna puke. I am the only person who seems to feel this way (SR, all my buddies in AA, my sponsor, my sister, my best friend, friends at work - everyone is seeing it differently than me which usually means they are right and I am wrong).
This is the biggest hurdle I've had in sobriety and you all have a front row seat. I'm glad I'm not alone. If I were drinking I'd be handling this even worse (if that's possible). I'm gonna have a bowl of ice cream and go to bed early.
Have a good night guys. This too shall pass, right?