From what you wrote in your post, his behaviour seems more like that of a child throwing a tantrum because things are not the way he wants them to be. You have slowly changed your modus operandi and are no longer playing the role he scripted for you: the role of doting enabler. You are shifting the focus from HIM to YOU for the first time in years. He is clearly sensing this change and is reacting to it, trying to make you feel guilty for it.
Yes, there's lack of compassion in his self-centeredness. It's probably been there for a long time but you were so focused on him that you didn't notice it until now.
I'm sorry this period feels so unstable for you emotionally; please try to remind yourself that it will pass and that you are currently in transition, towards...something different. Change usually involves some amount of discomfort, but no one ever died from being uncomfortable.
Trust in HP. You're in good hands!