dbh,
I think the most important thing here, the main difference between you and your mother, is that you realize you are doing it. Once we admit we are doing something we don't want to do, we can take a positive action to correct it. I think it was great that you sat down with your little boy and explained to him what happened.
Awareness
Acceptance
Action
As all of us in recovery have proven, if we want to change a behavior, even if it ingrained in us from childhood, we can. And there's always Alateen for the youngsters.
Even in a "not dysfunctional" home, children are given dysfunctional guidance. From an early age, even children from non alcoholic homes are taught that the guy always gets the girl, if you apologize all will be forgiven, if you were a size 2 you'd be happier, and money solves all the world's problems. It's all over the place... television, movies, geez every single disney fairy tale has these messages of "happily ever after". By the time kids are 5 years old they've learned that it's not okay to cry in front of other people, to show emotion. What society drills into our youth's heads is poison. It's up to the parents to teach their kids that reality is very different. Things don't always work out. Disappointments will happen. It's okay to feel emotion. It's okay to not be perfect.
I'm so glad I don't have children yet, I don't know how you guys do it. Thank God you are in recovery, just by taking care of yourselves, and wanting to be healthier people, you have already given so much to your children.
Dbh, thanks for being an awesome mom!!