kittykitty

Honeybee:
This is what I got out of your post.
Saying that YOU were able to save your husband's and your sanity, and that you single handedly saved your marriage is very hard to believe. I may be the only one to say this, but that sounds like fantasy land to me. It takes two to make a relationship work, not "alot of hard work" from one of them, and stealing, lying, and manipulating from the other.

I know how detrimental it would have been to me if, when i was in this situation 2 months ago, someone said to me, "you can save everything, if you just work harder". I spent months saying that to myself, and it drove me to insanity, depression, and a feeling of devastatingly low self worth, because no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't save him, or our relationship. (I decided to save myself, but that's another story.)

Maybe through your alanon work and detachment your husband realized he needed help, or maybe you were able to convince him that he needed to get in recovery and then he realized it was what he wanted as well; both of those scenarios would be great. Or maybe your definition of a happy/saved marriage is different, i don't know, you didn't go into much detail here. I would love to know more of your story, and how you were able to save both him, yourself, and the marriage.

Or maybe you meant to type 'we were able to save our marriage'. Please explain you story so I can better understand.