I have been sober for 7 months.
I vividly remember thinking I'd much rather struggle to keep a handle on 'moderating' my drinking than quit completely. How boring life would be without alcohol. How lame non-drinkers are.
I was just driving today with my kids and started crying as I wrote a card in my head to my husband who is out of town at the moment. I want to give him one in August when I'll celebrate a full year of choosing to live in real life. Tears streaming down my face trying to figure out how I was going to express my gratitude to him for putting up with all the shitt that your husband is dealing with now. Being the solo parent. Being the 'boring' one. Worrying about you.
And our children! Oh, our children and what a crappy life it is for them to see you us of control. Remember that when you were small? How it made a pit in your stomach when you realized the adult wasn't in control?
That alcohol-free living is boring is an alcoholic thought. It's just untrue. But you'll stay drunk as long as you believe it.
I credit my sobriety in part to Rational Recovery methods (AVRT, you can google). Hope you stick around.