Babyblue, in my journey I have realized that I am looking for my RAH to fill a hole left by other people. I needed his validation, and that's why his emotional absence was so painful. Now I'm working on filling it myself.
I'm sure there are many different experiences regarding rehab, but in my husband's case he was not a zombie. He was kind of lost. What I've learned since then that depending on the history of abuse it can take a year to a year and a half before the mind is really working correctly, and that's when the real work starts. I can see how this could be correct.