I'm also impressed with the way you handled the drama. Wow. What an evening!
As far as the suicide threats go.....I dealt with that with my exhusband and he held me emotional hostage for five years. I finally divorced him when we were 25 and he is now 52.
I have also dealt with the suicide threats from my adult AS. Initially, I ran to his aid terrified that he would follow through on his threats. Once I began my recovery, I called 911 when I knew where he was (there were times I couldn't call the police because I didn't know his location).
When I didn't know where he was and he was making those threats, I would say "I'm so sorry you feel that way. Please know that my love for you is for all eternity." and disengage. No begging. No pleading. No rescueing. I had to stop doing that because it was simply reinforcing the behavior--manipulation or truth.
He threatened suicide on my birthday last year. What a kind gift to a mother, huh? But it was one of the occasions that I didn't know his location so I told him I loved him and disengaged. Then proceeded to go out with my husband, daughter, daughter's boyfriend and my niece and had a wonderful birthday dinner.
I'll never know truly whether it is manipulation or not. But I do know that I cannot and will not run to his aid because I am not qualified to handle a suicide threat. I call 911 when I'm able or leave him in his HP's hands when I can't call 911.
If it is manipulation, it is a very cruel form of psychological torture.
gentle hugs
ke