What a messy last week.
Long story short
and still pretty darn long_)
Back before my RAH went into rehab, we had one vehicle. Mine was in the shop with repairs that I could not afford, and A was on a bender of epic proportions. He was not working, and was couch surfing.
He offered me to use his van, so I could drive son where necessary, and get to work. I went and picked the van up, and drove son to MIL, then went to work. I was stopped by the police at a detour, for a bad inspection sticker. The cop was a real jerk, and ended up citing me 3x, one for a registration lapse that was nonexixtent. The registration was good.
The cop seized the vehicle for bad reg, against my insistence that it was legal...wrote me the 3 citations, and said the vehicle owner would not be in any trouble.
I was unaware of the van being illegal. I just assumed, whatever. My bad, the van had been sitting in a bar parking lot for 3 weeks...when I started to drive it. I was maybe selectively in denial, since I could NOT lose my job at that moment.
After 2 weeks, A had decided to ease himself off of alcohol, and go to rehab. He had just entered the facility when I got, in the mail, 3 more citations. They were for HIM. Apparently, the cop, or magistrate changed their mind, and decided to charge A with the offenses, even though he was not even present. big mess.
Anyway, here is where I may have committed my final act of alcoholic enabling, which has come to bite us all in the butt in a big way.
I was so thrilled that A was getting sober, and I felt responsible for being the one driving the car, that I just went ahead and paid the 3 citations with As name on them, leaving mine to be paid on a payment plan.
Obviously, the cop was overzealous, (and I made a complaint), had left my 5 year old and me on the side of the road, in the night...not to mention the one ticket was for a bad reg, but the reg was good. He did not care. (He was having a bad day?!)
I paid As tickets off, thinking, he doesnt need this mess when he comes out. I did not want to fight the tickets. I just paid them, and did not think he would suffer anymore trouble over it. His van had been seized, for Gods sake, and I had been driving it.
Last week, RAH, who now has a job, is sober, and is trying to do "everything right" as far as life responsibility stuff goes, (we wont talk about emotionally, mentally, family, just yet), was pulled over for a routine traffic check.
He was then informed that he was driving with a suspended license, and that it was due to his pleading guilty by paying these 3 citations regarding the reg, back last fall. They SEIZED HIS CAR, and plate. He got the car out of the impound, but the license had been sent to the state.
He was shocked. He had known that his van was seized,back then, that I had recieved tix, but I had just told him that I paid everything, not to stress about anything. He did not know anything else...
His job requires that he drive everyday, to jobsites, and to sales calls.
I thought I was doing the right thing paying his citations, but by doing just that, I inadvertently plead guilty on his behalf, thereby losing him his driving privelege for 3 months, which never went into effect because he did not know about it and did not surrender his license.
MAn, was he pissed.
Wow, I really took a big hit in the verbal abuse department. I was in the wrong, had made a major mistake....I thought I was being helpful.
He, of course took the entire day or so to chastise me, burn me down.
You know, in that A way, where they can make all the mistakes in the world, but, God forbid should you misstep.
So, thats my story on how trying to soften the blow for my RAH bit me and him in the a**. He has to appeal the conviction, and try to expedite the ruling...to prove to the judge that the entire charge was false, since the reg was good. He has almost lost his job over it.
Because I was in the drivers seat, so to speak, I did not take the liberty of reminding him that it was HIS vehicle that was illegal, HIS lack of income that had us down to one car, HIS alcoholism that lead him to let all those things get so messy. I just took responsibility for my part and stayed quiet for the most part, while I drove him all over town, desperately tring to correct the massive snarl.
What should I have done> Given him the citations right outta rehab, let him deal with them. Kept clear about my part in the problem, and his part.
All in all, he took it pretty well in stride, and is dealing with the situation relatively calmly, now. He did threaten that this "might be the thing that sends me back into drinking..." BUt he did not drink. He is now driving the company car on an occupational limited license while the court decides whether to overturn the conviction for a bad reg. He has had to get off work early for 3 days this week to go to court, to AAA, trying to undo the mess.
I feel like a teenager for handling the tix so poorly, for trying to cover up a mess for him.
I feel bad, and I know its his responsiblity, and it was my lapse in judgement, but all I can think of is how much ammo this gives him to burn me down with.
I have really been trying to keep my side of the street as clear as possible.
oops. grrrr.