I second StarCat....
It can get confusing when people start discussing 'recovery' both in the drinker and in the partner.
I think people mean that even if the alcoholic is in a program and abstaining from drinking, he isn't living a life OF recovery.
Abstaining and going to AA or even being in rehab isn't 'recovery' unless they do the actual work to change (living the steps, improving/mending relationships, being accountable for their actions, etc).
Hope this helps.
I am the last person to say to get away from the situation because the fact that you are posting tells me that you have a self awareness and will know what it is you need to do.
As painful (and heck even annoying) as it is to hear things that upset us, I try to use it as just information gathered to help me with my own situation.
Come back!