thanks D I have had counseling before. I am going to change my doctor because my current one has a very inflexible appointments booking process. I have had counseling before and yes this is perhaps something my doctor could interface with but today i was still wheezing and such so have really been prevented seeing a doctor outside of making an emergency call due to being influenza contagious....yes ive had it 6 days now. bummer. its going though. can walk about now and not feel cold. dont think i sneezed today but esophagus still healing etc. frankly i dont see myself going until monday atleast since friday i may still have the dregs of flu.
Also my current surgery are really rubbish
I have managed to use flu as a reason not to see my sister today though - which im glad at as i am not in a healthy relationship with her and my nephew - i go out of perceived necessity compassion obligation / fear and thats no way to be.
I can only work for and pray my life improves, i am doing work mentally and spiritually aswell as a little bit of hand yoga but i agree yes i am improving. i just get scared and feel like a) nobody appreciates me and b) hang on why do i crave appreciation anyway
im in transition i think D matey i could well change [or not] after waking up tomorrow - i guess i miss someone to tell me all is ok - the reading from codependent no more is brilliant but im finding it so radical tonight i feel like ok i must take a break because im all changed as much as i can without losing me a bit or so - i think i used alcohol as a retart button on my brain and without it my brain can keep whizzing