went to town today
this is a story about codependency
using 'in the hoop' stuff i knew full well that i was bringing my 'hoop' into situations where i would feel it under attack but well i guess i wanted life to be normal.
I have a local bar cafe i want to be able to goto but the staff talk loudly about customers which i have found triggers my anxiety. Still i am not trying to change them just to frequent what is the only posh coffee house in my tragically small town
First off I was going into town to post a cd i had sold on ebay. That was fine. I noticed an old drinking associate in the post office queue but kept my 'hoop' solid and avoided interacting with this guy (cocaine user as well as lager he used to be). Fine all going ok.
Next i wanted to keep my hoop solid but sit down. I find that my housing situation has triggered my anxiety and thus i am ill at ease lots of the time in my local town. The nbeighbour in question has been issued an eviction notice but thats another story
Well the coffeehouse was stressful but i tried not to jump into the first emotional states i felt and after practicing my mudras found myself changing slightly for the better. Still a disappointing draining trip though.
Next to subway where I met a noticeably well spirited young man that seemed very genuine and with some experience in addiction recovery, i explained to him about my codependency.
Next I met my cousins partner who just happened to randomly come into the subwayt place. He was eager to interact and so I told him i am off the sauce nearly 3 months - he was pleasant to my face but in this town well people tend to be 2 faced. He reminded my how i will have to face my extended family and just how much of i job i have to recover from my bottom xmas day [where i argued over the xmas dinner infront of my favourite elderly relative]
I am definitely improving but whoagh not liking my local town and feel like i am in the middle of a storm