Ouch
Sunday night I was with my RABF. We were having a good time until he asked me if I 1. Ever mentioned him in an Al-Anon Share (I do, but not by name) 2. Ever wrote about him in my recovery journal (I do, but the journal is only for me) and 3. Ever talked to my best friend about him (DUH!).
He didn't like my answers and called me a blabbermouth. He then put his coat on, went out the door of his apartment and drove away. He was gone about 20 minutes, during which time I was so confused.
When he got back he said "I'm done for tonight, I need a break." Followed by "Don't freak out." So I got my coat on and started out the door. He then handed me two cigarettes and said "Don't buy a pack, here's a couple for you." (I stopped smoking 9 months ago but stress sometimes brings on the urge.) I told him I loved him and I was sorry (not sure what I am sorry for) and he hugged me and said "I know" and then said "Don't freak out" again.
So I left. I didn't freak out. I didn't cry. It hurts like hell but I am working on shutting down. I haven't heard from him since. We are supposed to have lunch with my grams on Thursday and I did send him an IM asking if I should cancel that...he did not respond.
I don't know what to do. I almost wish he had been drinking so I could understand his actions. Meetings, journalling and my best friend have never been a secret to him and he has known all along that he gets brought up with all three...so why the sudden flip out on me?
Oh, his daughter did figure out the night before that he is dating...after she perused his sent messages in his cell phone (violation of privacy anyone?) He was very upset that she found out as we had not planned to let the children in on this until we were more sure of our relationship and of his recovery.
I guess I just needed to vent. I have set an "expiration date" of 3/31/2011 at 11 pm for him to contact me. If he does not contact me by that point (that's four days to pout, shouldn't that be enough?) I will end it. I don't WANT to end it but I don't want to feel OUCH all the time anymore either.
Thanks for listening. (If he ever finds this board I am sure my relationship will be toast...)