Originally Posted by
BobbyJ 
Today he calls and tells me, that if I cant forget the past and forgive him. He cant be with me....
I was honest with him, and told him "Im not there" and dont know if I will ever be.
He tells me I need to pray for serenity and hangs up the phone.
It's like he has no remorse or understanding of the pain that he has caused.
I swear he has major dead brain cells...
This made me really mad, BobbyJ. At your RAH? At my XAH or his GF? I'm not entirely sure, maybe all of them. Maybe at XAH's family too, since they have each told me I need to just forgive and forget. With them though, they throw in the 'for DS's sake' cr-p too.
It is NOT that easy. There is no magic button that automatically erases all of the alcoholic behavior from YEARS of abuse. My process of (possibly) forgiving XAH, is on no one's timeline but mine and my HP's. XAH most certainly does not get to tell me when I have to forgive him when he has admitted nothing, much less offered any kind of apology or amends.
And as far as his family, I have swallowed enough cr-p for the sake of my son, I still do, (I have to hear about GF's subtle put downs, that having more than two cats being irresponsible, GF's car is warmer than mine, XAH taking DS to the weekend events that I get to miss...) so thank you no, I will NOT be swallowing the 'I-must-forgive-XAH-now' pill.
So, I guess I have to answer your question on how to forgive and forget with an 'I don't know.' I don't think you have to forgive him right now. Working towards being able to forgive is a process. RAH doesn't get to tell you that you should be there already.
Take care of yourself, pamper yourself at least a little. Sending hugs.