You have terrific strength Jay. I admire what you are doing.
In a similar position though I have kind of stalled. I got the legal stuff in motion and held it over her. For now it seems to have created a holding pattern but not got me where I need to be just yet. When/If the time comes I will execute the rest of the process.
We worry about hurting our As with the legal actions. But as an added plus, it is likely this will help break your wifes denial and it may help her discover the consequences she needs to see in order to begin recovery for herself.
Keep strong.