I have been diligently practicing detachment and enjoying it, as my AH has tried to cut down on his drinking the past few weeks. He has been working around the house, fixing things, getting our cable package enhanced, etc.
Then today, he realizes that he doesn't want to be married, can't give me what I want, knows I deserve much more, and needs to be alone for the weekend. Is it a coincidence that he has this realization on a Friday when he can go drink his "sorrows" away with his buddies? According to him, this has nothing to do with alcohol, though.
So, all of my good effort at detachment went down the drain because I was so offended that HE would want to leave ME. If he wanted to get a reaction out of me, he got it. I brought up divorce again, so we're back to doing the divorce two step. Should we-shouldn't we? Today, he thinks its for the best. Really?? The guy who hasn't cleaned a bathroom, mopped a floor, or taken care of anything for 5 years...the guy who has treated me like a bank...the guy who has trouble holding down a job and paying his bills...thinks being alone and single is best for him? Really?? Will being single really make him happy? Maybe because he won't feel accountable to anyone for his drinking.
It really bothers me that if we divorce, his "story" will be that he doesn't want to be married, so to the next woman who comes along and his buddies, he looks like a cool, tough guy who doesn't want to be tied down. Ugh!
I can't tell whether this is reality now or just another alcoholic ploy to go on a bender away from home for the weekend--thats how much I've been jerked around lately. He has been a mess for the past few months (since DUI#2). I can't believe anything else he says, why should I believe this? But, he seemed resigned to this...today, anyway.
I guess I just need some support tonight since I'm home alone, and he's out doing who knows what (well, drinking), not wanting to be married. Being divorced is not what I want. He's supposed to pick up his stuff tomorrow.
