T minus 5 days to custody hearing
Well, after AW's binge last weekend I decided to step up my efforts a bit and got a referral to a new lawyer who could handle trial work. (The previous guy, while good, is approaching retirement and didn't want to sign his name to a court docket.) New lawyer ain't messin' around.
Ex parte hearing being scheduled for next Wednesday, asking for temporary order for full legal and physical custody, an order for her to vacate the house, monitored visitation, evaluation by an addiction expert, random drug screening...BAM drop the hammer, in other words.
And the codie in me that still loves her feels horrible about what's about to hit her, because I can't say anything. I forget which one is the "nice" one in Jeckyll and Hyde, but the nice one is living in the house right now (feeling guilty no doubt about the binging) and the sh*t's gonna hit the fan on Monday when her lawyer gets notice that a hearing is being scheduled for Wednesday.
Telling myself it's time to thicken up my skin and put one foot in front of the other. How is it that after everything that's happened over the past 2 years that I can somehow feel guilty for standing up and saying "no more"? I was retelling part of the story to the new lawyer about her involuntary psych hold because of being drunk and writing a suicide note to our son...and then I did the math. He was 3 months old. I've had my own counselor and psychiatrist tell me how impressed they are with how I've managed to keep it together through all this and I've always shrugged it off, but thinking about that moment I recognized a little bit of what they're talking about.
God, the whole thing just makes me feel crazy sometimes.