YES YES YES, detachment is so hard for me as well!! just started a fight with XABF, while exchanging our son yesterday, i had very good reason to believe he had been drinking and drove with our son to meet me. GGRRR, how i do i keep my mouth shut about something like that?! well that led to him throwing my keys in the bushes and kneeing me in the ribs and leg. Ugh, if i just would have said nothing, and left, but still that is no reason for him to act like a child! Sorry to go off about my own thing.
It is very hard to detach and keep your mouth shut, i just try to remember that with an alcoholic, drinking or not , but mostly while drinking, they will always be defensive, and only hear you attacking them, and in the end all it does is end up making ME upset and stressed out. What do i get out of it? a little bit of satisfaction that i can say "hey look i busted you once again...." not worth all the rest of crap that comes with it.