I think each time I promised myself I wouldn't drink again and fell back into it I gained strength. I finally "got it" and these episodes stopped. I got so tired of all the drama and turmoil. It was easier to stop and live my life as I was meant to. Not let alcohol control every aspect of it. You can do it, when you've had enough embarrassment, humiliation and sickness like I did. You have to be stronger then that alcoholic voice in your head.
Look into a program of your choice for some support. It really does help.
Best Wishes to You!