Hi Rachel -
When I joined SR and AA, I thought I was a "High Functioning Alcoholic" and not like everyone else because I hadn't had all those bad things happen to me.
Today, I realize that High Functioning is a STAGE of alcoholism, not a type.
But, for the spouse, they may not understand this.
A book that you could get for your spouse is: Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights
by Sarah Allen Benton
I liked this book as it addressed my "type" in a more scientific way and then proved to me that I was full of @*&#^@. Today, I'm just an alcoholic who won't drink today.
Hope that helps.