Scrub, I'm pretty new here. Tomorrow will be 2 weeks for me- but I've gone months, almost a year, without drinking before so I feel like it's somewhat meaningless. The only difference this time is that *I* have decided I'm done. I didn't have any dramatic rock-bottom moment, just went out drinking with my brother and had yet another blackout. Woke up with a bunch of mystery bruises and thought I remembered the night, only to realize as the day went on that I don't remember much of it at all. I, too, struggle with half-memories and it is so exhausting wondering how much of what I think I remember actually happened, or if it was just some random thought I had, or if it was something someone else did or said. I just can't do this to myself any more-- but I will tell you I am scared to death thinking that because I didn't have a big dramatic "bottom" I will relapse. For now I'm living in the present, not drinking today, and not planning to drink tomorrow. When I think about the more distant future, what it would be like if I did opt to continue justifying drinking, I can easily see myself being more and more out of control, losing my marriage, losing my kids, being so overwhelmed with the guilt and shame of it all... I don't like who I am when I'm drunk. I don't get anything out of drinking any more. It isn't fun any more. So the very least I can do is give sobriety a fair shot.
I wish you all the best in this- and I welcome you to the group. I've found amazing support here in only 2 weeks, and I hope you find the same!!